Násilí v rodině: Kdy vztahová terapie není bezpečná volba

When someone suggests couples therapy after domestic violence, it sounds like a reasonable solution-work through it together, heal the relationship, rebuild trust. But in reality, for many people, that advice can be deadly. In the Czech Republic, more than 70% of domestic violence cases involve what experts call intimate terrorism: a systematic, long-term pattern of control, fear, and psychological domination. In these situations, couples therapy isn’t healing-it’s a trap.

Why couples therapy can make things worse

Couples therapy assumes both partners are equal participants in a broken relationship. But when one person is using violence to control the other, that assumption is false. The abuser doesn’t want to fix the relationship-they want to keep control. Therapy sessions become another stage for manipulation.

According to data from Sančedětem, an organization working with perpetrators of domestic violence since 2005, 82% of women who entered couples therapy without first separating from their abuser reported increased violence within three months. Why? Because the abuser uses the therapist’s presence to gaslight, blame, and minimize. They say things like, “You provoked me,” or “You’re exaggerating,” and the therapist, unaware of the power imbalance, may unintentionally validate those lies.

A 2024 study from Charles University and Masaryk University analyzed 127 cases of domestic violence between 2019 and 2023. They found that in 78% of cases where the abuser hadn’t taken responsibility for their actions before therapy began, violence escalated within six months. In 63% of cases where couples therapy was offered without a prior individual assessment of the perpetrator, the victim suffered further abuse during therapy.

The red flags that make therapy dangerous

Not all domestic violence is the same. Experts distinguish between two main types: situational violence and intimate terrorism. Situational violence-about 30% of cases-is often triggered by stress, alcohol, or a single argument. It can sometimes be addressed through therapy, but only after serious groundwork.

Intimate terrorism-70% of cases-is different. It’s not about losing control. It’s about maintaining control. Here are the key warning signs that couples therapy is absolutely not safe:

• The abuser denies the violence happened (73% of cases)
• There’s been a threat of murder (28% of cases)
• The victim is isolated from friends and family (61% of cases)
• The abuser controls all money (72% of cases)
• The victim is monitored through phones, GPS, or social media (57% of cases)
• The abuser has a criminal record (42% of cases)

These aren’t just “bad behaviors.” They’re tools of power. When a man tells his partner she’s crazy for reporting abuse, or when he cuts off her access to cash, or when he shows up unannounced at her workplace-he’s not trying to fix things. He’s reinforcing dominance.

What the law and experts say

The Czech Ministry of Labour and Social Affairs updated its guidelines in December 2023. They’re clear: couples therapy after domestic violence is only acceptable under four strict conditions:

1. The perpetrator has completed at least six months of individual therapy and shows consistent behavioral change
2. The perpetrator has fully accepted responsibility for their actions-not blamed the victim
3. The victim has given free, uncoerced consent-no pressure, no fear
4. A safety plan, approved by an intervention center, is in place

Only 15% of domestic violence cases in the Czech Republic meet all four conditions. And only eight out of 42 organizations offering therapy for victims fully follow these standards, according to the National Inspectorate of Social Services (March 2024).

In 100% of cases where couples therapy was started without a safety plan, violence escalated within three months. That’s not a coincidence. That’s predictable.

The trauma that therapy can retrigger

Domestic violence isn’t just about what happened-it’s about how the body remembers it. Trauma lives in the nervous system. A victim who hasn’t processed their fear, shame, or helplessness isn’t ready to sit across from the person who caused it.

A 2020 study tracking 300 victims found that those who entered couples therapy before individual trauma work were 3.2 times more likely to develop PTSD two years later. Why? Because the therapy setting forces them to speak in front of their abuser. They freeze. They lie. They shrink. They say what they think the abuser wants to hear. And the therapist, trained in healthy relationship dynamics, doesn’t realize they’re witnessing a performance of survival-not honesty.

A 2022 survey of 150 Czech therapists revealed that 41% had never received proper training on recognizing the risks of couples therapy in domestic violence cases. That means many victims are being sent into therapy by well-meaning but unprepared professionals.

What actually helps

If you’re a victim of domestic violence, your priority isn’t fixing the relationship. Your priority is your safety and your healing.

• Start with individual therapy focused on trauma recovery
• Connect with an intervention center like Spondea or Sančedětem-they’ll help you create a safety plan
• If you’re ready, the abuser should attend separate, perpetrator-specific therapy for at least six months
• Only after all this, and only if both parties meet the strict criteria, should couples therapy even be considered

There’s no shame in leaving. There’s no shame in choosing yourself. And there’s no healing in a relationship built on fear.

What to do if you’re being pressured into couples therapy

If someone-therapist, friend, family member-tells you to “try couples therapy” after abuse, here’s what you can say:

• “I need to heal on my own first.”
• “I’m not ready to be in the same room with them.”
• “I need a safety plan before we talk about reconciliation.”
• “I’m not responsible for their behavior. They need to change, not me.”

You don’t need permission to protect yourself. You don’t need to prove you’re “strong enough” to face them. Your safety is not negotiable.

Where to get help in the Czech Republic

You’re not alone. These organizations offer free, confidential support:

• Sančedětem - Support for victims and perpetrators (www.sancedetem.cz)
• Spondea - Intervention center with safety planning (www.spondea.cz)
• Národní centrum pro násilí na ženách - 24/7 helpline: 800 100 100
• Centrum pro rodinnou terapii Praha - Specialized trauma-informed therapy

If you’re in immediate danger, call the police. Always. No matter what they say. No matter how many times it’s happened before. Your life matters more than the relationship.